HOW TO FAIL PROPERLY

Have you ever failed at anything?

I have, many, many times with all sorts of things. From marriage to business to striving for certain goals.

Have you ever succeeded at anything?

I have, many, many times with all sorts of things. From marriage to business to striving for certain goals. Hmm, sounds like the first answer. That’s because it is. No I’m not spinning failure into success. I’m being literal, I have failed and I have succeeded – at the same things.

Let me explain…

My first marriage ended after a year – on anyone’s terms that’s a pretty miserable fail, right? Yeah, at the time it was painful and I felt like a miserable failure. But, after a short time me and my ex-wife actually became friends again, initially for the sake of our daughter, but eventually because it made sense to put the past behind us, learn from it, move on – but most importantly for me – to keep what was good about it. Me and my ex were friends first, so it made sense for me to retain that part.

25 years later we’re still friends and I like to think that our daughter benefitted from the ‘good’ relationship we made. And she has grown into a beautiful, kind, loving mother herself now. HUGE Success

Now I’m married again and it’s great. So now I like to think I’m a success at marriage (ask my wife for a true opinion). 🙂

So other failures…

I started my own business and for a few years it was great and I earned some good money. But slowly, slowly the competition got cheaper and my revenue diminished to a point where it now just ticks over. I tried getting in new business but selling wasn’t my strong point so now I concentrate on property investing. It’s been 12 years or more since I started the core business so I’m already in the top 4% of business owners just by continuing to trade for 10 years+, so in some ways I’m a success, but considering how it’s fortunes have gone steadily down you could say it’s more like a failure.

But I keep going, keep trying new things, keep striving and do my best to keep positive.

What else?

At the time I started my business I also started doing abstract paintings and have since sold in excess of 650 originals, albeit at very affordable prices. Success

A few years ago I tried setting up an online business, I got nowhere. Fail

Then I decided to write a self help book, I gave myself one year to write it. I did just that. Success

I self published it and learned a lot about marketing so I could sell it, I even created a 90 day home study course to go along with it. Success

I didn’t get anywhere with it. Fail

After dabbling a bit in business networking I set up my own network group and met lots of interesting people. Success

It didn’t bring me any new business or income streams. Fail

I overcame technical hurdles (and if you know me you know that’s a big deal) to set up blogs like this one and YouTube videos. Success

I reached 2nd Dan Black belt in my chosen martial art and when the club owner retired earlier this year he handed the running of the club over to me. Success

I taught myself how to play the piano and now write my own instrumental pieces. Success

I have written a 12 part children’s book series. Success

I could go on with a long list of successes and failures but my point is, to me, success is an attitude. We don’t know which failures we’ve had in the past might turn into successes, or what lessons they have taught us that might help us with success in the future. So in order to give myself the best chance of success I have to follow the following equation: R+R+HW +D,P&C. Resourcefulness + Resilience + Hard Work + Determination, Persistence & Consistency.

Make sure this resonates with you before adopting it though as there are many sayings and formulas out there that can misleading. One is attributed to Einstein: “Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.” However, if you were a door to door salesman and you quit after the first ‘No thanks’ because of Einstein’s quote you’d never get to door 7 where the first buyer of your product is. Or door 18 where your second buyer is, or door 32 where your biggest buyer is.

The lesson is only learned after sufficient energy has been put into something and you’ve learned all you can from the process and only you’ll know when that is. We also have to learn from the ‘No thanks’ in order to maximise a different result further up the metaphorical street.

Will I continue to have failures? Of course. But hopefully my ratio of successes will get larger.

So to answer the headline of this blog: The only way to properly fail is either not to try in the first place or quit trying because of failure. That’s not me and I hope it’s not you either.

So let me ask you this…

What would you regret most at the end of your life:

A) Failing to reach your dream goal

B) Never having tried to reach your dream goal

Enjoy

Stu

🙂

7 Habits of Highly Successful People (summary)

Hiya,

Excellent summary of a classic self help (business) book:

But it’s equally useful to apply to every part of your life.

Enjoy

Stu

🙂

Jim Carrey: Funny and inspiring

Full Speech: Jim Carrey’s Commencement Address at the 2014 MUM Graduation

When you have half hour to spare, while you’re washing the dishes or doing the ironing, give this a listen. Jim talks a lot of sense to this graduation year and wraps it up in his own inimitable humour.

Enjoy

Stu

🙂

10 mins to create a new and bold reality for yourself…

10 mins to create a new and bold reality for yourself… draw your way to success.

Enjoy

Stu

🙂

The 3 types of Procrastination

Which type are You?

Hiya,

One of my Ponders group does a daily blog and linked to a fascinating article on procrastinators a while back.

Apparently, people procrastinate for different reasons. Dr. Ferrari, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at De Paul University in Chicago identifies three basic types of procrastinators:

1. Arousal types, or thrill-seekers, who wait to the last minute for the euphoric rush.
2. Avoiders, who may be avoiding fear of failure or even fear of success, but in either case are very concerned with what others think of them; they would rather have others think they lack effort than ability.
3. Decisional procrastinators, who cannot make a decision. Not making a decision absolves procrastinators of responsibility for the outcome of events.

To read the full post and article on procrastination click here: http://bit.ly/1hPNHzk

(Thanks again Tina)

Strive to thrive

Stu

🙂

PS: If you’d like to receive my no cost daily thought provoking “Ponders, Quotes and Questions” emails simply email me at: stuart@HowToChangeYourLifeOneDayAtATime.com and I’ll add you right on.

Is updating your CV (Resume) a waste of time?

Have you asked yourself this lately?

Hiya,

I for one have never got a job based on my CV. In fact I don’t think I’ve ever had a CV. Maybe I’m fortunate, I’ve never looked for a job, one always presented itself as the old one came to an end or had served its purpose.

For a lot of people their CV is hugely important, maybe you are one of them. But consider this for a moment.. .what are the key elements of a CV?

1. Where you are at the moment
2. Where you were before that
3. What your education level was

I know it’s more involved than that but that’s basically it.

The thing is that is ALL about who you were. If you want to experience something new you have to think differently than you did before. You have to try on a new mindset. Try a new perspective. Otherwise you are just looking for more of what you have right now. And if you’re reading this you probably have some frustrations about your job, right?

So ask yourself: is getting a better version of your present job the answer?

If it is – Great! Sort your CV out asap. If not, you might want to think more about where you want your life to head over the next 5 – 10 years.

The right job or career for you could be in your very near future, but if you don’t identify it now, you’ll never recognise it when it comes along.

Put that work in right now and figure out what it is you’d love (or even like) to do.

Let me know in the comments below. 🙂

Strive to thrive

Stu

🙂

PS: If you’d like some help with this READ THIS

Take the opportunity today to thank everybody from your past because of where you are today and where you will be tomorrow.

Every season has it’s time

Hiya,

You do realise that everything that has ever happened to you, good or bad, has brought you to where you are today.

You may be in a great place right now, so think if any tiny little thing in your past were different it would have changed your trajectory and you may well be in a very different place right now rather than where you are.

All those not so good places were necessary in order for you to be here.

If you’re not in such a great place just realise that you are in one of those not so good places that will lead you to the great place later. So appreciate it for what it is.

Why only appreciate it later? Thank everything and everybody from your past for helping to get you here. Thank ‘here’ for being part of the journey that’s going to get you ‘there’ in the future.

And always remember… in the depths of winter the blossom is waiting to bloom.

Who will you thank, and for what?

Enjoy

Stu

🙂

PS: This is p.358 of my book ‘How To Change Your Life One Day At A Time‘.

Why failure is necessary on the road to success…

Project mood chart

Hiya,

In Chip and Dan Heath’s brilliant book “Switch“, they talk about the necessity for businesses to adopt a growth mindset and that failure is part of that mindset.

“In the business world, we implicitly reject the growth mindset. Bussiness people think in terms of two stages: You plan, and then you execute. There’s no ‘learning stage’ or ‘practice stage’ in the middle. From the business perspective, practice looks like poor execution. Results are the thing: We don’t care how ya do it, just get it done!” – They say, explaining that everything in the middle can look like a failure.

They go on to describe a ‘project mood chart‘ that plots how and why changes in emotion within a team happen at different stages in a project. Usually it starts with hope and enthusiasm, ideas are flowing freely and abundantly, but in order to integrate all of these ideas some moments of insight are required. And insight doesn’t always happen when you want it to. Depression can set in and the project starts to feel like a failure. But with persistence, improvements are made, the necessary tweaking happens and eventually the solution becomes more and more visible.

They state that by telling a team to ‘expect‘ this process it doesn’t come across as negative but rather as optimistic, as now – failure is described as just a part of the overall journey to a successful outcome.

They go on to say:

“That’s the paradox of the growth mindset. Although it seems to draw our attention to failure, and in fact encourages us to seek out failure, it is unflaggingly optimistic. We will struggle, we will fail, we will be knocked down – but throughout, we’ll get better, and we’ll succeed in the end.”

Falling down as you travel down the path is an opportunity to learn where the pot-holes are, they are not a signal that you are failing to walk down the path.

This doesn’t only apply to businesses, but rather to ALL aspects of life. We have to dig deep to get through the depressing down times when we’re in need of insight, but trust that if we just keep going it will reveal itself.

If you’re in business at any level read Switch asap.

Enjoy

Stu

🙂

Arianna Huffington Interview

Hiya,

If you’d rather Thrive rather than just survive watch this superb interview with Arianna Huffington.

She explains to Joe Polish the reason behind writing her 14th book ‘Thrive‘ and why there should be a third way in which we measure success. Money & power are the usual two but we often overlook the third – wellbeing.

It lasts approx. 50 minutes but it’s well worth the time watching it. Her new practices over the last few years have enabled her to live with less stress, less anxiety, more fulfillment, more happiness and contentedness.

Enjoy

Stu

🙂

PS: If you enjoyed this and want to learn how you can nurture the positive mindset required to succeed in any area of your life  this might be a

good fit —-> CLICK HERE

How to change negative beliefs

Banishing Negative Beliefs

Hiya,

Below is a 6 step negative belief buster process…

Possibly the number one reason people do not reach their goals, or even attempt to reach them in many cases is – negative beliefs.

If you fall in to that category then in this post I aim to give you some tactics to move past them.

#1 Identify them – seems obvious but a lot of the time you may be completely unaware of your own negative beliefs. Ask yourself what is holding you back, what is stopping you reach your goals at the moment?

The answer to this question will reveal a reason or maybe a whole raft of reasons. These reasons are negative beliefs. Whoa! I here you say – these are valid reasons, and they may seem totally valid.

I don’t have the money, I was born in the wrong country, my family needs me, I’m not physically able etc, etc. Sound familiar?

#2 Find evidence that supports them – imagine you were someone else asking you for evidence, what would you say?

“Look at my bank account, see, no money. I was born into poverty, this is a poor area in a poor country. I am the only bread winner in the family I can’t go off chasing my dreams.”…you get the idea.

#3 Now identify the meaning of that evidence – does it mean you are destined to remain where you are? Is it fate? Is it God’s plan for you? You weren’t lucky enough to be born with the right circumstances, etc.

#4 Now question if there could be another meaning – maybe it means you have to find your own path to your goals despite the obstacles. Maybe that challenge is the process that will give you the fulfillment. Maybe you are afraid of failing or possibly of the effort that will be required.

#5 Identify the fear – there almost undoubtedly is one. If you can understand what it is, you can deal with it. Fears of this type are usually a challenge to us, they are saying ‘How much do you want this?‘

#6 Mitigate the fear – find ways to reduce the risk of failure – eg: learn whatever you need to, model what others have done to achieve it, learn to accept failure as part of the journey.

Example:

Imagine a  kid learning to ride bike. First, they say they can’t ride (negative belief). Why can’t they? Because they fell off when they tried (evidence). What did that mean? They can’t ride (meaning). Really, could there be another meaning – like they have to do it over and over before they’ll succeed (alternative meaning). But it hurts (fear). So they should wear a helmet and knee & elbow pads (mitigate fear).

Summary

Whatever your negative belief find someone that has overcome it. Model what they did. If you can’t find someone that did what you want to do, find someone that did something for the first time and model how they did that. You could be the first with your goal. Biographies are a mine of information – read up on those you admire.

It all starts with realising that your belief can be changed. The second step is deciding that you are going to make that change. Remember the 6 keys to success in any area:

#1 Have a clear goal

#2 Understand why you want that

#3 Understand the price of getting that

#4 Decide to pay the price

#5 Pay the price

#6 Keep monitoring how you are doing

 

Enjoy

Stu

🙂

Related posts:

What If You Could?

Making Big Decisions

PS: If you still want to get a copy of “Do You Hate Your Job?” you can get it on Kindle for less than £2 or a pdf copy at no cost right here: FREE Copy

CLICK HERE