Tag Archives: reward

Do Your Possessions Give You Confidence?

A picture of a load of possessions

What do yours mean?


I can see that having all of my possessions around me provides proof that I’m ‘worth it’ as L’Oreal says.

I worked hard, I used my intellect and integrity to provide the funds necessary to buy these things. They validate me – I NEED THEM !

Really? Do I?  – NO.

I want to move to a bigger, nicer, house – WHY? So I can have further evidence of my worth. So I can show those that know me that I am capable, clever, hardworking and I CAN DO THIS!

I don’t need to earn a fortune, just enough to be financially FREE. Does that mean I’m not worth a fortune? Maybe, is that what I believe?

I only feel confident when I’m talking about something I know a lot about or doing something I know I can do. Is that true? Is that really true? Can I feel confident talking and doing that which I don’t fully know? Who would TRUST me?

Aha, my possessions therefore show others they can trust me. TRUST is one of my main values. It’s important for me to trust others and for them to trust me. I can create trust by showing that I have integrity and I’ll always do my best. Are my possessions a visible sign of that?

So, do I need to know EVERYTHING?

Maybe! Maybe, I can point the way, maybe the power is in the questions. Am I confident about that. YES. Do I trust the questioning process? YES. It’s the only place from where discovery is made.

Resistance to the exercises teachers give us may come from NOT wanting to discover the answers. One question to ask is why won’t you do an exercise? What might you find out that will prove to be uncomfortable?

We say we don’t have time or do we just create DISTRACTIONS? If we do, why? So that we don’t discover? Ignorance is BLISS so they say. It is, BUT ignorance keeps us in the dark.

Make TIME to discover. I like to help others discover. I like to facilitate that. By asking questions.

What questions?

Penetrating ‘why’ questions. Why, why, why? How do we know when we get to the root ‘why’? – We FEEL it.

We know already – we’re discovering it, uncovering it, revealing it, shining a light on it. We’ll know when we KNOW.

That was my own investigation into how my possessions influence my confidence – will you ask how yours influence You?


This post was inspired by my own lessons from one of my teachers – SoulDancer (Yes, his real name!). Thanks Soul.




PS: If you still want to get a copy of “Do You Hate Your Job?” you can get it on Kindle for less than £2 or a pdf copy at no cost right here: FREE Copy

Change Your Mindset,



Filed under Confidence

How to start a habit in the first place.


If you have read many of the posts here on this blog or are reading my book or are taking part in my 90 Day Program, you’ll know I advocate Habits.

Habits are a key tool in getting you from A – B in any part of your life. But, how do you create a habit in the first place?

There are many ways, but here are just two:

#1 Create an incentive

#2 Create a reward

You’d be forgiven for thinking they are one and the same thing but they’re not.

Let’s say you want to go to the gym on a regular basis to get your fitness levels back up or to lose weight or to generally buff yourself up. If you’re like me you might find the gym is boring.  If that was the case I’d probably advise you do something else, but for the example let’s continue with the gym analogy.

You sign up for a 6 month term and decide you want to go every other day and for the first couple of weeks you stick with it – it’s new after all, and that in itself can be the incentive and reward. After a while though you may find yourself too busy or too tired or too stressed to go as often. Before long you’re down to once a week then once a fortnight.

Sound familiar?

Here’s what you can do, start with your incentive. (If you can’t get yourself to even go, you’ll not qualify for your reward, right.) So take your iPod and load it with the music that really gets you pumped up – this is going to get you into the right state of mind. Alternatively, if you like audio books or other audio products load it with them. Do NOT allow yourself to listen to those things unless you are at the gym. Not in the car, not at work, not lounging around the house. ONLY at the gym. My other half Em had a good idea on this too, most gyms have the TV on the running machines which you hook your earphones into. Simply time your gym visit with something you love to watch on the TV – again make it a rule you cannot watch that programme anywhere else. This is not a new suggestion, but the key here is – exclusivity! That way you look forward to the gym because you look forward to the other activity you do whilst at the gym.

Now you have an incentive.

Every time you go to the gym from then on take time afterwards to go to the café and have a relaxed drink, or spend half an hour reading your favourite magazine or newspaper. Try to save that treat for post gym visits too so you associate that pleasurable passtime with working out. Again, only do that after you’ve been to the gym, in order to create the association.

Now you have your reward.

Of course this will take some thought depending on what you want to make a habit out of. Whatever it is, look to see what could be your incentive, then look to see what your reward could be. Once your habit is embedded, you can gradually reduce the reward and continue without your incentive if you want or need to.

So the point of the post is – you don’t need to rely on your willpower alone to create a positive habit, you just need to understand what drives you and turn that into your incentive and reward to help you through the tough few weeks of creating that habit.

Hope that makes sense – be sure to leave a comment if you agree/disagree or want some help figuring out your own habit making.





Filed under Goals, Life changing, Relationships, Self help, Success