Divorced Dads with kids – Who do you need to BE?

(For any guys going through divorce or know someone going through it.)

So, your other half is leaving you or has left you.

You feel like shit.

Yep, you’re going to feel that way for a while, no magic pill, no shortcuts, just pain, misery, anger, resentment, heartache, confusion, oh – and some more pain etc. etc.

But…

At some point, 3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years – you’re going to say something like: “I’ve had enough of this.” And that is the first step.

You’re on your way. You’ve made a shift. Things are going to change.

At that point, to overuse an old cliché – it’s the first day of the rest of your life.

Phew! Glad that’s over, plain sailing from here on – er…nope.

Now the actual hard work begins.

The hard work of acceptance – accepting the situation for what it is.

The hard work of believing – believing you do still have a compelling future ahead of you if you can do what’s necessary to enable it.

The hard work of choosing – choosing to BE the Man, BE the Dad and BE the Role Model your kids need You to BE.

And the hard work of deciding – deciding to do what’s necessary to make that happen including compromising, forgiving, understanding, committing, listening, bending over backwards etc. etc.

If that sounds like a tall order right now head over to the Facebook page I’m putting together specifically to help you with that… https://bit.ly/2X3o3BI

(If the link doesn’t work go to FB and search ‘Divorced Dads Rise Up and Be Proud’)

It’s not a place to bitch and moan – there’s plenty of other groups for that, but that kind of talk will just keep you where you are. This group is all about positive empowerment – helping Dads find ways to stay connected to their kids by taking back their true personal power.

This process, as painful as it is, doesn’t have to make you hardened to life or to women – you can use it to make you stronger. Remember steel is forged in a furnace, but it can bend and withstand immense pressure without breaking.

Join us and discover who you really are, how powerful this experience is going to make you AND find a way to BEhave in a way that will make your kids Proud to call you their Dad.

Come and join us now… Click https://bit.ly/2X3o3BI   (‘Divorced Dads Rise Up and Be Proud’)

Take care

Stu

(And if you’re wondering why this is aimed at Dads and not Mums it’s simply because I’m speaking from experience as a Dad that was divorced.)

Use Christmas to Make a Change.

Hiya,

We each have a slightly different idea of Christmas, what it means, how it makes us feel etc. But there is one thing that is the same for all of us…

A number of factors will lead us to the feeling of Christmas. I mean, if you went to sleep on November 15th and woke up on Christmas Day I’m betting you wouldn’t feel very Christmassy (apart from the obvious discombobulation!). A set series of experiences will lead you to the eventual feeling.

For some it’s the buying of gifts that makes them ‘feel‘ Christmassy. For others it’s the weather, carol singers, Christmas movies, Christmas songs on the radio or even festive food. For me it’s a combination of all these things. They each add to each other to create a nostalgic, excited state of mind.

So why do I mention this, it’s obvious right?

The point is that ‘any‘ state of mind works the same way. Happy, sad, excited, miserable, disappointed, exhilarated, etc. They all require a set of catalysts: sounds, smells, words, memories, visual cues, physical experiences and so on.

The trick then is to be aware of ‘what‘ cues are creating the feelings you are having. If they are pleasurable feelings then you can actually create them at will by seeking out the cues deliberately. If they are uncomfortable feelings that crop up you can learn to avoid the catalysts that cause them.

Go in to 2017 with a determination to be aware of what is creating the feelings you are having – then decide whether you want more or less of them.

Live more deliberately.

Enjoy

Stu

🙂

The Happiness Decision

6 minutes that could change how happy you feel…

Jim Carrey: Funny and inspiring

Full Speech: Jim Carrey’s Commencement Address at the 2014 MUM Graduation

When you have half hour to spare, while you’re washing the dishes or doing the ironing, give this a listen. Jim talks a lot of sense to this graduation year and wraps it up in his own inimitable humour.

Enjoy

Stu

🙂

What if…

Here are some questions you might ask yourself:

Have I loved enough?

Did I tell those that I love that I love them?

Have I achieved what I wanted?

Did I discover and work on my purpose in life?

Have I been to the places I wanted to see?

Did I have as much fun as I could have?

Have I seen the people I love most as much as I could have?

Did I do things that mattered?

Have I done what I wanted enough?

Did I laugh as much as I could have?

Have I enjoyed my work?

Did I forgive those that wronged me?

Have I apologised to those I wronged?

Consider what you might ask yourself and add them in the comments. Then ask yourself this: If this isn’t my last day, what shall I do with it?

Enjoy

Stu

🙂

Getting To Grips With Fear And Confusion

Hiya,

This is an excerpt from my book: “Do You Hate Your Job?” – I re-read it today because I am feeling some of these feelings at the moment and this helped. To get a free pdf copy of my book see instructions at the bottom…

“If you do decide to find a new job, new career or start up your own business know that there may well be fear and confusion along the way.

Learn to accept that, learn to understand that growing as a person is happening alongside this journey of following your passion, dream or goal. Sometimes you have to take the hit. If you want to go into events planning but don’t have the experience, why not get a job just helping other planners set their events up and learn how they do it from the ground up.

If you feel totally stuck or paralysed by fear or doubt – get calm. Sit still, breathe deeply and slowly and reconnect with your intuition, excitement, creativity and imagination. Trust yourself.

Accept that you won’t know all the answers, accept that you will have to take risks and above all accept that you may fail along the way. This is part of the journey. If it was easy everyone would do it – but they don’t. This is the road less travelled, this is the path to success, the difficult path but the one that leads to more fulfillment, contentedness, happiness, joy and ultimately life.

I did it, in fact I’m still doing it. Yes, I still have doubts and fears and I still find myself procrastinating from time to time. But at least now I’m aware of what’s going on and how to change it.

And remember to give yourself a break. It’s normal to be afraid, it’s normal to be unsure. Rather than chastise yourself for these negative feel- ings, acknowledge them. Sit with them for a while. Listen to what they’re trying to tell you. Then question if you agree with them or not.

Feelings are natural – accept them, allow them. If you want to know the strategies and tactics to change them… read on.”

To read the whole book simply email me at:  stuart.young40@googlemail.com  with “Send me the book” in the subject line and I’ll send it to you direct, no strings, no endless emails trying to sell you something. Promise!

Enjoy

Stu

🙂

Do you see a storm approaching?

When a storm is approaching what do you do?

Look for shelter or prepare to get wet?

What do you do?

Strive to thrive

Stu

🙂

PS: This was today’s Ponder to my Ponders, Quotes and Questions group.

If you’d like to receive these Ponders daily direct to your email inbox at no cost, just email me at stuart@HowToChangeYourLifeOneDayAtATime.com

Decide You Can…

First decide you Can, then believe You will.

You Can

Strive to thrive

Stu

🙂

How To Ignore Negative Comments (Pt.2)

Stuart Young, London, UK

Hiya,

The other day I posted on How To Ignore Negative Comments and I think it deserves further discussion.

Firstly, I think it would be a good idea to start with the premise that the negative comments are ungrounded, ie: not deserved.

(Of course if you being a total idiot about something expect some negative comments, listen to them, and stop being an idiot.)  🙂

So, what if they are ungrounded?

These can come from all quarters; what I refer to as the 3 Fs of Influence – Friend, Foe and Family. Some are well meaning, whereas some are just being mean.

Here are 5 questions to consider that can put you in the right Mindset to tackle them head on:

1. Are they true and does that even matter?
2. Do they reflect who you are?
3. Do they spur you on or deflate you?
4. How much do you value the opinion of the commenter?
5. How determined to continue are you?

Let’s take a look at them one at a time…

1. Are they true and does that even matter? – If someone tells you that you’re not a very good writer should that stop you from writing? Of course not. You can either ignore it and remind yourself that there have been many successful writers that weren’t actually very good technically. Or, you can use the comment to motivate yourself to learn more about writing so that you can improve. Either way – continue writing.

2. Do they reflect who you are? –  Taking the first example above, does the fact that you might not be a very competent writer detract from you being a writer? Of course not, no more than being an objectively poor painter does not mean you are not a painter. You are whatever you desire to be and no opinion from anyone else alters that.

3. Do they spur you on or deflate you? – This is nearing the crux of the issue, if the negative comment spurs you on – motivates you, then don’t ignore it. In fact, welcome comments of this nature. If on the other hand the comments deflate you, demotivate you, then applying a process like this one to determine what validity they have, this will help you see that other’s opinions have no baring on your ambitions and dreams. Many people told Edison to quit searching for a commercially viable lightbulb – but he didn’t quit, thankfully.

4. How much do you value the opinion of the commenter? – A good teacher will encourage you down your own chosen path. They might offer advice on potential course corrections along the way – in order to be helpful. A bad teacher will encourage you to pursue something based on their beliefs about what you should do. Decide how much value you put on the commenter’s comments and why. Are they trying to help you or steer you to a destination of their choice. As with good parenting, the role of a parent is to give their children the best environment they possibly can in which to make their own choices. Then let them.

5. How determined to continue are you? – This is the deciding factor on whether you continue with an endeavour or not. If you are easily swayed away from an activity ask yourself if it’s really what you wanted. If it wasn’t, then maybe the negative comment was actually useful advice. If not, if you feel an urge to continue, then do just that.

“The problem isn’t the problem. The problem is the way you are thinking about the problem.” ~ Dan Sullivan

The way we think determines every outcome in our life. If you want to master your own Mindset – learn how here: CLICK HERE

Enjoy

Stu

 PS: Don’t look back this time next year and find yourself exactly where you are now. Start thinking differently to create different results in your life – TODAY!

                       CLICK HERE

How often do you thank?

Stuart Young, London, UK

Hiya

Take the opportunity today to say thanks.

This is the simplest thing in the world to do – and sometimes the hardest. We all have occasions where saying thanks to someone really sticks in our side. Sometimes we might even decide not to say it at all.

But saying thanks under those conditions can really make a difference, not only to the person you’re saying it to, but to you too.

When you can say thanks, and mean it sincerely, you are on the path to building a bridge with that person. That relationship could end up growing stronger or at least more bearable.

You can even say thanks to the universe for just being alive!

On the easy side – saying thanks to someone who has just held the door open for you or moved aside to let you through can brighten their day.

That thanks will wind its way through the day passing from one person to the next and the next. Be the one that starts that process off and then enjoy the thought of where it might end up.

You never know, your easy thanks in the morning could end up being someone else’s difficult thanks at the end of the day.

Nice thought huh?

Tomorrow is Monday – first day of the working week for many – give some thought right now to who you might thank at work – even if you really don’t want to.

Even if you hate your job at the moment, find someone you can sincerely thank.

Grab a copy of “Do You Hate Your Job?” right now at NO COST, if not for you then for someone you know that’s struggling to get out of bed every work day. It will you understand if you can actually fall in love with your present job, or whether it’s time to quit.

Click here to get your copy.

Enjoy

Stu

 PS: It’s a short book full of useful, practical content, easy to understand and apply.