Why Is Change Painful?


Someone asked me the other day: ‘Why is change painful?

My first response was to use the analogy of a creature needing to shed its skin in order to grow – the first splitting experience may well be painful but leads to new possibilities.

A raised eyebrow followed with: ‘No, I mean really – why is change actually painful?

Aha, a plausible answer was required!

This is my take on it… As a species we search for security, safety, certainty. When we think we’ve found it, or something close to it, we feel calm, comfortable. After a while, that part of us that seeks fulfillment will become dissatisfied with the security we have found and look for something new, exciting, different.

Alas, along with new and different comes a measure of insecurity – after all, we don’t know this ‘new‘ thing. We have to take the risk that after it has fulfilled the role of bringing excitement and intrigue, we want to be certain that it will become calm and comfortable like the old thing.

In the transition we must literally make ourselves less comfortable in order to move towards the new thing – and this insecurity agitates that part of our primitive mind that’s shouting ‘Stay Safe, Stay Safe!‘ This agitation is what we feel as painful. The knot in our stomach, the doubt in our mind.

So, if you are feeling uncomfortable with some changes going on in your life, or maybe just the thought of changing… know that is perfectly normal. The thing to do is evaluate the risks and then decide.

Take care



PS: If you need help with that my 90 Day Program is still available at no cost if you buy a copy of ‘How To Change Your Life One Day At A Time‘.

PPS: I’ve also started doing Skype coaching calls if you want to create some more rapid changes. πŸ™‚


Filed under Goals, Life changing, Self help, Self Improvement, Success

15 responses to “Why Is Change Painful?

  1. Stu, you are right on target!!! πŸ™‚ btw, the image is incredible, a powerful interpretation of change…big hug, Alexandra

  2. This is an excellent post Stu! I know change can also be painful to watch through the years as I am going through right now with my mom. She has stage 4 cancer and is hanging in there. I know change will happen once she passes away, but for the past years, I’ve had no choice but to juggle options and think of what I should do, where, what etc. Is it harder for sudden change, change that is around the corner or to know beforehand that change will be painful regardind the death of a parent? What’s your take??

    • To be honest JavaGirl my mum suffered with cancer many years back. We watched her slowly get worse but it at least gave us a chance to be by her side, comfort her where we could, and say our goodbyes. Painful at the time, but sudden death often creates longer lasting pain as there is no opportunity to transition. I know what you’re going through and my heart goes out to you. Get every last ounce of love and connection you can before your mum passes. Love Stu x

      • Aw, thanks. Because my mum has had it go in remission off and on the past 10 years, my emotions go from high to low and vice versa. It has made me resilient which is important over the course of the years. It’s just days when I have to go to the bank with her to look over her will with her, do things regarding her houses (they will go to me as well as the mortgage payments being received from the house she sold) etc which makes it more real to me. Other than that, she’s living each day as positive as she can and I do try my best to visit her each weekend and call her everyday to check up on her. She says she’s been sleeping a lot lately and doesn’t know why. Thanks for your supportive words Stu!

    • That’s all you can do. And it sounds like you’re doing it. Always here to talk if you need to. Stu x

      • Thanks, I appreciate it. I knew there was a reason why I followed your blogs. You appear to have a kind heart with concern and care about others. Thanks!

    • Kind words JavaGirl. As I said I’m always here. Take care. πŸ™‚

  3. I guess the key, as the saying goes, is to feel the fear and do it anyway?

    • Exactly Paul – as Susan Jeffers said. Face your fears and they seem less fearful, like looking in the dark closet to see that there’s nothing there after all except clothes! πŸ™‚

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