It’s a psychological given that our fear of loss is greater than our fear of gain. This makes perfect sense from a survival standpoint, the loss of our life was more fearful than the gain of a good meal, or shelter or even a mate. Our amygdala’s job is to keep us alive and it’s influence on our behaviour is as strong as it ever was – even though it is buried deep in our subconscious these days.
So how does that impact on our dreams, goals and ambitions?
Remember back to a time when you attained a goal, it may have been passing your driving test or getting a job you wanted – it felt great didn’t it? Now remember back to a time when you didn’t achieve your goal, maybe the object of your affection rebuffed your advances, maybe you failed your driving test or didn’t get that job you wanted – how did that feel? Pretty bad eh?
As this happens more and more during our early lives we begin to learn that striving for certain things, especially if they seem out of reach, often causes pain. Pain = possible death (from our amygdala’s perspective). So naturally, we tend to avoid it. We create a dream, it seems wonderful. We imagine our life once that dream has been realised and we can tangibly feel the joy, relief, ecstasy. If we decide to take action to attain that life we now create a situation where we will either succeed or fail. If we fail, the illusion will be shattered, we will not have that life after all and we will lose our goal.
This fear of loss sabotages us from even starting. ‘Keep the dream’ our subconscious says, like delaying checking your lottery ticket. Until you check it you may have won – once you check it you know you’ve lost! So you keep the dream – it feels good. ‘One day…’ you say to your friends, ‘I’m going to…[XYZ]’. But for most people they are just words.
So how do you get past this fear of shattering your own illusion? How do you take action towards your goals, ambitions and dreams?
By changing your Mindset. By accepting failure as part of the learning experience. By accepting that failure does not mean an end to the dream, it is simply an obstacle to get around. By switching your fear of loss to that of what you will lose by not striving for your dreams. By understanding the Thoughts=Feelings=Actions process and using it to your advantage.
If any of this sounds familiar, makes sense, interests you – take a look at my online video series which goes into it in a bit more depth. It doesn’t cost anything and when you Opt In you automatically receive the first 79 pages of my book: ‘How To Change Your Life One Day At A Time’ as my gift to you, a kind of ‘dip your toe in’ opportunity to see what other readers are raving about.
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Hope you find it thought provoking.
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