This is difficult for a lot of people – yes, me included. When you’re
‘open’ you are vulnerable. We don’t like to feel vulnerable, it’s in
our genes to keep ourselves safe. When we lived in caves it meant
being physically safe from a bear or a wolf or even our tribe. I would
imagine that a wrong look in those days could have been looked upon as
confrontational. (Still does in places.)
So, we began to hide what we were thinking lest it showed on our face.
In today’s sophisticated society a facial expression is still a
measure of what we might be thinking consciously or subconsciously. So
we find more and more ways to try and keep our thoughts and feelings
covered up, private.
Today, find a safe environment to be open. With a family member or a
best friend or anyone you trust. Start there. I think you’ll find that
with some practice you’ll prefer to be open often. We’re not talking
over-sharing here by the way! It’s a bit indulgent to offer gratuitous
information so understand why you’re being open. This is about
suppressed feelings that might be causing blocks in your life – not
sharing the gory details of your gall bladder operation. 🙂
Remember, if you need to be open with someone about their behaviour,
tread carefully and speak kindly.
I saw this really interesting video yesterday featuring Phil Parker, a Hynotherapist, NLP Practitioner and Osteopath amongst other things.
In it he discusses how what we say to ourselves on a daily basis can have huge implications on our health, wealth, success and happiness. He argues that when we say things beginning with: ‘I am angry because…‘ or ‘ My boss made me feel…‘ we are behaving passively – the outside world is happening to us, and we’re helpless to alter it. He coined the term: ‘dû’ or ‘dûing’ to explain how by realising that we aren’t ‘angry’ but we are in fact ‘doing‘ angry, which means we have the power to ‘do‘ something else. He spells his word ‘du’ to signify the conscious awareness of ‘doing’.
It’s a fascinating talk which lasts approx. 20 mins but I urge you to take a look. It might be just the thing you’re looking for.
To watch the video paste this quicklink into your browser: http://bit.ly/wyEG93
Learning is a passion of mine. When I was at school however, I found
many of the lessons dull, boring, mundane and tedious. Subjects that
today I find fascinating; history, geography, biology, science,
literature. It boils down to the way we learn. At school these
subjects were taught out of text books or via the blackboard. Groan! I
wasn’t engaged, my imagination wasn’t stirred.
Maybe it’s an age thing, that as we get older we become more
interested in the world at large and how it got that way. But I don’t
think so. Bob Proctor said once that a child, up to the age of five or
six, would rather learn than do anything. If you think about it a
child’s brain is programmed to learn just as a matter of survival.
Considering our brain grows more outside of the womb than the nine
months inside it, which is more than any other animal, suggests that
learning is the most valuable asset we have. Intelligence however is
the result of the cumulation of knowledge whereas wisdom is the result
of experience. If we allow experience and knowledge to combine we can
take our learning to new heights. This learning will allow us to take
advantage of more opportunitites which in turn will give us new
experiences. If we continue to learn from them – hopefully we’ll get a
little wiser in the process.
OK – moaning can be therapeutic. Getting something off your chest can
relieve the pressure and stress of a situation. We all have bad days
at work. We all have encounters with rude or obnoxious people from
time to time – so go ahead and moan about it. But not ALL the time.
Not only are you going to relive those scenarios over and over, you’re
going to relive those ‘feelings’ over and over. And guess what, you
didn’t like those feelings the first time around so why do you want to
experience them again and again? Moan once if you really need to then
You’ll end up wearing your friends or partners out if you become an
habitual moaner so why not give them permission to stop you. Make some
rules maybe – like if they’ve heard that story before you can’t tell
them again, or if it’s about the same person, they can ask you to
stop. You get the idea. Be aware though that if they follow through
and ask you to stop – you can’t then moan at, or about them, for doing
Anger is a natural emotion. Like all natural emotions, if suppressed
it can distort into more destructive behaviour. There are ways of
dissipating anger when you feel it welling up such as meditating or
just slow, deep breathing. Sometimes though it happens too suddenly –
when you stub your toe for instance or maybe your computer crashes,
deleting an hour’s work in the process. At times like these our house
can become blue with my choice of language! My other half usually
keeps her office door closed due to the volume of that language in
case she’s on a call. I’m working on it!
The thing is, once I’ve screamed for a couple of seconds I calm right
down – sometimes it might last for a minute or so. I rarely fester on
something however. Through expessing my anger I can get through it
very quickly and can therefore find clarity of mind on the other side.
I remember a scene in the Billy Crystal and Robert de Niro film
‘Analyze This’ – where Billy, the mafia boss’ psychiatrist, tells him
to hit the pillow on the sofa (to express his anger) and de Niro pulls
out a gun and shoots the pillow into a billowing puff of stuffing!
Hilarious! If you haven’t seen it – treat yourself.
The big key here is – don’t allow the expression of your anger to hurt
or intimidate another person. It’s your anger – you keep it! If you
find that you tend towards anger then I suggest you seek some
professional advice as it can lead to physical disease. Remember,
exercise can releave the tension of anger so go for a walk to relax.
So following on from yesterday’s guide, if you haven’t done this
already – consider this today. Get a pad and start writing what you’d
do with the money. I bet the list will be long – it’s a lot of money!
The exercise is not so much about the cash but rather once you’ve
done everything the cash allows you to, what do you do next? You give
half a million to your parents, another half a million to your kids.
You split another million and pay off the mortgages of your closest
other family and friends. You buy yourself the home of your dreams and
a couple of beautiful cars – maybe a boat. You give a load to your
favourite charities etc.
Maybe you get to the end of the list and there’s still a million left
over. Do you decide to set up a business? Do you create your own
charity? Whatever you decide to do there at the end – stop!
Now ask yourself what is stopping you starting that thing right now?
Is it really the money that you need to start? Is it?
Only you can answer that.
PS: Try out 79 pages of my book: ‘How To Change Your Life One Day At A Time‘ at no cost simply by opting in to my complimentary video training series here: (CLICK HERE)