Monthly Archives: January 2012

Take the opportunity today to accept things the way they are. It doesn’t stop you changing them.

Hiya,

There’s a psychological process that we all suffer from on occasion: Attachment.

Attachment is the holding on to an outcome of some kind. Let’s say
you’re trying to get a new job and you see the perfect position for
you advertised in the paper. You apply and you get an interview. The
interview goes well and they say they’ll let you know within a week if
you have the job. Meantime, your boss in your present job rubs you up
the wrong way and you begin to ‘hope’ that you get the new position.
This hope is fine up until the point when you get a phone call or
letter saying unfortunately you didn’t get the job. At that point your
mood sinks, you become depressed at the thought of going in to work
the next day. You become miserable at the thought of being stuck in a
job you hate.

You have become ‘attached’ to the outcome of getting a new job. You
have made your happiness dependant on getting that position and when
that doesn’t happen you spiral into a bad mood.

The healthier thing to do is ‘accept’ the situation. Just accept that
you didn’t get that job and continue looking for another position.
Accept that until you find another job you’ll have to keep working at
your present one. You’re still looking to change that situation. But
through accepting it you can remain calm and focused.

A lot of upset in our lives is caused by our attachment to outcomes
whether it’s being stuck in traffic which is making us late for
something, or builders not turning up when they agreed which means
your kitchen won’t be fitted today, or whether the person you wanted
to ask for a date is now going out with someone else.

They are all attachments to the outcome. Some are harder to accept
than others but practice will help. Start today accepting things the
way they are and the way they turn out, then, continue trying to
change them. Calmly and with determined focus.

Remember: we can’t control everything that happens to us, but we can
control how we react to it.

Enjoy

Stu

🙂

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Take the opportunity today to STOP moaning!

Hiya,

OK – moaning can be therapeutic. Getting something off your chest can
relieve the pressure and stress of a situation. We all have bad days
at work. We all have encounters with rude or obnoxious people from
time to time – so go ahead and moan about it. But not ALL the time.
Not only are you going to relive those scenarios over and over, you’re
going to relive those ‘feelings’ over and over. And guess what, you
didn’t like those feelings the first time around so why do you want to
experience them again and again? Moan once if you really need to then
stop.

You’ll end up wearing your friends or partners out if you become an
habitual moaner so why not give them permission to stop you. Make some
rules maybe – like if they’ve heard that story before you can’t tell
them again, or if it’s about the same person, they can ask you to
stop. You get the idea. Be aware though that if they follow through
and ask you to stop – you can’t then moan at, or about them, for doing
it.

Enjoy

Stu

🙂

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Take the opportunity today to express your anger next time you feel it.

Hiya,

Anger is a natural emotion. Like all natural emotions, if suppressed
it can distort into more destructive behaviour. There are ways of
dissipating anger when you feel it welling up such as meditating or
just slow, deep breathing. Sometimes though it happens too suddenly –
when you stub your toe for instance or maybe your computer crashes,
deleting an hour’s work in the process. At times like these our house
can become blue with my choice of language! My other half usually
keeps her office door closed due to the volume of that language in
case she’s on a call. I’m working on it!

The thing is, once I’ve screamed for a couple of seconds I calm right
down – sometimes it might last for a minute or so. I rarely fester on
something however. Through expessing my anger I can get through it
very quickly and can therefore find clarity of mind on the other side.

I remember a scene in the Billy Crystal and Robert de Niro film
‘Analyze This’ – where Billy, the mafia boss’ psychiatrist, tells him
to hit the pillow on the sofa (to express his anger) and de Niro pulls
out a gun and shoots the pillow into a billowing puff of stuffing!
Hilarious! If you haven’t seen it – treat yourself.

The big key here is – don’t allow the expression of your anger to hurt
or intimidate another person. It’s your anger – you keep it! If you
find that you tend towards anger then I suggest you seek some
professional advice as it can lead to physical disease. Remember,
exercise can releave the tension of anger so go for a walk to relax.

And breathe

Stu

🙂

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Filed under Self help

Take the opportunity today to decide what you would do with £10m.

Hiya,

So following on from yesterday’s guide, if you haven’t done this
already – consider this today. Get a pad and start writing what you’d
do with the money. I bet the list will be long – it’s a lot of money!

The exercise is not so much about the cash but rather once you’ve
done everything the cash allows you to, what do you do next? You give
half a million to your parents, another half a million to your kids.
You split another million and pay off the mortgages of your closest
other family and friends. You buy yourself the home of your dreams and
a couple of beautiful cars – maybe a boat. You give a load to your
favourite charities etc.

Maybe you get to the end of the list and there’s still a million left
over. Do you decide to set up a business? Do you create your own
charity? Whatever you decide to do there at the end – stop!

Now ask yourself what is stopping you starting that thing right now?
Is it really the money that you need to start? Is it?

Only you can answer that.

Enjoy

Stu

🙂

PS: Try out 79 pages of my book: ‘How To Change Your Life One Day At A Time‘ at no cost simply by opting in to my complimentary video training series here: (CLICK HERE)

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Take the opportunity today to ask Why you want success.

Hiya,

What a dumb question I hear you say.

But think about it. Most people think it’s about the money. To a
certain degree it is, but only in the sense of what freedoms the money
could bring. For instance if you wanted more money but it meant
working twice as hard and having no time to see your family or friends
then the money would be detrimental to your quality of life.

So, it’s what you would do with the money that determines what your
success might look like. And remember your success may be completely
different than your neighbour’s or your best friend’s version. Give
this some deep thought. Ask yourself what would you be doing if you
were as successful as you wanted to be. Whose lives would you be
influencing positively. At the end of the day, if you had all the money
you could spend and you’d been around the world half a dozen times.
Been everywhere and done everything. Taken a couple of years to just
relax and persue leisure activities to your heart’s content. Then
what? Think about that now, don’t wait until.

Don’t wait until you see it happen – see it until it happens.

Lastly, ask yourself ‘What do I lack now that success will bring me?’

Enjoy

Stu

🙂

 

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Take the opportunity today to decide.

Hiya,

One way or another, decide. You can probably think of something right
now as you read this that you are procrastinating over. Take a moment
and consider whether you have all the information you need in order to
decide. If you do, what’s the hold up? Why are you not deciding?

If you’re afraid that you might make the wrong decision realise that
not making a decision is actually making a decision. What’s the worst
that can happen? Now, what’s the best that can happen? Does the best
outway the worst or vice versa?

In answering that question you should get some clarity around this point.

Enjoy

Stu

🙂

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Take the opportunity today to ask yourself what your life would look like if it was better!

Hiya,

Dream!
Go on…indulge yourself and imagine your life if it was perfect.
Imagine every day was fulfilling to you. You smiled all the time.
Notice what things are different in your imaginings to how they are in
your present reality. Do you have more money? Do you have loving and
fulfilling relationships? Do you live somewhere different?

Take as long as you like to imagine this life. As you get clearer on
what it looks like and all the little details become apparent you are
actually creating memories. Memories of your life to come. Your brain
will actually start to notice circumstances that are in synch with
these memories. A bit like when you buy a certain car and then see
those cars everywhere. Your mind is noticing them. As your mind
notices favourable circumstances to your new memories you may find
opportunities arising where they never did before. ACT on those
opportunities and they will gradually make your dream life appear IN
reality.

Enjoy

Stu

🙂

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Take the opportunity today to be a verb and not a noun.

Hiya,

In his brilliant ‘devotional’ book: ‘Ideas Are Free Execution Is
Priceless’, Scott Ginsberg says it brilliantly:

“A verb is anything that expresses action or being. [My italics]

It could be a word. But it could also be an idea. Or a person. Or a
product. Or an entire organisation.”

He goes on to say:

“The point is: Nouns aren’t noticed.”

Basically what Scott is getting at is ‘verb’ people are active. They
are being what or who they want to be and they’re doing things that
they want to do.

Noun’ people on the other hand are passive – they just describe.

Ask a ‘noun’ teacher who they are and they might say ‘I’m a teacher.’
But ask a ‘verb’ teacher who they are and they might say “I teach
children how they can be who they want to be and that they can achieve
anything they set their minds to.’

So, are you a verb or a noun?

Enjoy

Stu

🙂

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Take the opportunity today to pace yourself.

Hiya,

I was always a sprinter at school. I hated the cross country run. I’d
get all wheezy and out of breath, it was miserable. Then, a few years
back I did a charity run. I trained for it with a friend and on the
first session I started running and left her behind. I looked back and
she was jogging unbelievably slowly. I waited until she caught up and
teased her a little but she just stayed at that pace. I decided to jog
along side. After about 20 minutes we stopped, we’d only run about a
mile which was fine but I noticed that I wasn’t out of breath at all.
Ordinarily I would have got about half a mile in and conked out
exhausted.

We paced ourselves and in so doing ran further and had enough energy
left over to do it all again.

It’s the same with everything – pace yourself and you’ll get more
done, it might take you longer but you’ll have energy to spare and you
can just keep going. Why be in such a rush to get there that you miss the
journey!

Remember the Hare and the Tortoise?

Enjoy

Stu

🙂

PS: Feel free to leave a comment and share with anyone you think may find this interesting.

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Take the opportunity today to set someone up to succeed.

Hiya,

Anyone that’s done dog training will recognise this technique. The
idea is you make a task really easy for a dog to get right so that
they get a reward. If repeated over and over the dog will associate
the task with the treat. Dogs don’t talk human and tend to get
frustrated quickly if they don’t understand what you’re asking them to
do – so you make it easy.

The same technique can be used with people, not in a condesending way
but in a positive affirming way. When teaching a new colleague a
company process for instance have it typed out then show them the
process so they can see what’s expected. If teaching a child break the
task down into the most manageable steps so they keep getting it right
whilst continually moving forward. This gives them a sense of
achievment and they’re much more likely to respond well and feel good.

In every situation today keep thinking how you can get someone to
succeed in what they’re doing.

Enjoy

Stu

🙂

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