There’s a psychological process that we all suffer from on occasion: Attachment.
Attachment is the holding on to an outcome of some kind. Let’s say
you’re trying to get a new job and you see the perfect position for
you advertised in the paper. You apply and you get an interview. The
interview goes well and they say they’ll let you know within a week if
you have the job. Meantime, your boss in your present job rubs you up
the wrong way and you begin to ‘hope’ that you get the new position.
This hope is fine up until the point when you get a phone call or
letter saying unfortunately you didn’t get the job. At that point your
mood sinks, you become depressed at the thought of going in to work
the next day. You become miserable at the thought of being stuck in a
job you hate.
You have become ‘attached’ to the outcome of getting a new job. You
have made your happiness dependant on getting that position and when
that doesn’t happen you spiral into a bad mood.
The healthier thing to do is ‘accept’ the situation. Just accept that
you didn’t get that job and continue looking for another position.
Accept that until you find another job you’ll have to keep working at
your present one. You’re still looking to change that situation. But
through accepting it you can remain calm and focused.
A lot of upset in our lives is caused by our attachment to outcomes
whether it’s being stuck in traffic which is making us late for
something, or builders not turning up when they agreed which means
your kitchen won’t be fitted today, or whether the person you wanted
to ask for a date is now going out with someone else.
They are all attachments to the outcome. Some are harder to accept
than others but practice will help. Start today accepting things the
way they are and the way they turn out, then, continue trying to
change them. Calmly and with determined focus.